Love Yourself & Accept Yourself: You Can Change Your Life | Natasha Noel | Josh Talks


click the subscribe button and press the
bell again to never miss a video from Josh Talks. I’m an orphan and a survivor
of sexual violence my name is Natasha Noel and this is my story. At the age of
three and a half, the first memory I have of my mother is her cooking herself.. Also
have very inappropriate humor. She burned herself in front of me and I can still
remember that day like as if it was yesterday I still remember her screaming
I still remember the burning flesh I remember everything
my dad had schizophrenia so he couldn’t take care of me because someone needed
to take care of him so when you’re a child your childhood should be rooted in
love compassion and understanding mine was rooted in insecurities they’re
floating in guilt I stayed with my godparents that’s my dad’s oldest sister
and her family and they tried to love me in the way they knew best how to but it
was still not enough for me I still felt the void inside of me kept growing and I
felt pain and I just was never happy but also I learned how to mask because I
that is the way I learned how to cope so I pretended I pretended I was fine I
pretended everything was okay at the age of seven I was raped by my domestic hell
and I don’t even remember what happened all I remember was one moment we were
playing and the at the moment I was washing the blood of my vagina it was
just like a lucid dream for me sex and rape I couldn’t even spell at that time
because I have dyslexia right now I cannot even spell dyslexia without Auto
help correcting me but at that time his mother told me that I should run away
and get married to him because he loves me so much
I was just seven and a half for me I didn’t understand what was happening
the guilt kept growing he actually told me that I should run away and get
married to him because no one else will ever love you those words are still
engraved in my soul like a tattoo which is so difficult to heal but I’m healing
the guilt just kept growing I felt like I was the reason why everything was
happening to me all the bad and it was just getting worse I was sexually
assaulted from the age of 8 to 14 with my cousin brothers and sisters and I had
enough I didn’t know what to do and I kept believing I deserved whatever was
happening to me at the age of 10 I went into therapy because there my parents
realize something is off with her she has so much anger issues yes so much of
everything and she’s just not saying what she feels the shape they put me
into therapy this was one of the best things that happened to me because at
this time my psychiatrist realized that I was not talking so she put this paper
in front of me and she told me you can do whatever you feel like I took up the
pencil and I wrote and I took up the crayons and I colored and I just
realized that for me art was my expression and that is where I found a
little way to go Thanks victimization was my baby it was something that I was
so good at I would cut myself I would think that I am a burden that nothing in
life can ever get better because come on it’s just getting worse at the age of 16
because of my psychiatrist she told me to go in for dancing so I I used to
dance here and there but at the age of 16 I was a professional dancer and dance
was something where I found myself dance was something which allowed me to be me
I did not feel like anyone was judging me and I could express how I felt and I
was just the happiest at this point of time in myself customization period I hated
my body I hated I realized that my body is the reason why things are happening
why the world is the way it is because we have a vagina and men can enter as
they please without our permission at 17 was when I got into my first serious
relationship my first love of my life and it was great at 19 my mother told me
that I need focus on my studies and I’m not studying enough and I told her that
no I don’t want to I want to dance this is what I want to do I want to travel
the world and I’m living my life for the first time I don’t want to do anything
else that same year I failed the year and that same here
I got a knee injury my meniscus muscle tore my corneal muscle to record liquid
in my knees and my front knee cap had tears all on one knee the doctor told me
that I can either dance or I can walk so the thing that I loved the most and I
was actually happy for the first time in my life was taken away from me again I
went into the set of depression where I didn’t know what to do with my life but
I always believed because I was so good at pretending everything was okay I put
on this mask and I pretended everything was fine I moved on I finished my
graduation I graduated in English literature and at this period of time
for a year and a half I didn’t do any physical activity because I was not
allowed to but because I started working since I was 17
I needed to do something so I was a professional photographer I used to take
pictures of dancers because that is war as close to as what home would feel like
but I was still unhappy at the age of 21 is where the love of my life broke up
with me and I was devastated we were together for five years and it broke me
completely because the one thing I trusted again broke I took I went and I
took up food and food became my love food became
the source of inspiration in my life and I was like this is what I’m living
living for I kept eating and eating and eating out
eat and puking eat some more just to try and fill that void inside of me just to
try and feel some things all right I realized what I was doing was just going
from one numbing device to the other from the age of 15 to about 20 I would
smoke and drink like a crazy person I would only I would do that because I
had no other means or no I just did not want to feel anything but at 20 I
stopped but then at 21 I started eating food like as if it was my best friend
this is what depression looks like this is what you feel when you feel nothing
is what depression feels like I can’t account stand and explain to you what is
right and what is wrong I can’t but for me I knew that a society the society
that I’m living in would never be able to handle a sad person so I would
pretend to be happy for the longest time I knew I believed that what I had was a
disease because come on you cannot get up in the morning you cannot look at
yourself in the mirror because you find yourself disgusting
you cannot go down for a walk you cannot do anything you find it difficult to go
and brush your teeth you find it difficult to trust when you find it
difficult to do anything so there must be something wrong with you but little
do people comprehend the depression is not a choice no one chooses to feel so
alone no one chooses to feel so insecure no one chooses not to allow someone in
no one chooses not to feel loved no one chooses that
but then I realized that I can come out of it if I want to I caught up one day
and I was sick and tired of my life I was sick and tired of just believing
that I was a burden I was sick and tired of thinking I was the cursed I was sick
and tired of cutting myself I was sick and tired of just feeling so numb that I
got up and I said I need to make changes in my life I can either constantly live
in this or I as a human being can choose to try and make myself better because
let me tell you something no one cares about you or your mental health only you
can do that this is me today I’m 25 years old I run to the face of my
problems now I don’t run away from it I am dyslexic and I write I have asked
them oh and I run I’m a social-media influencer I talk about things that no
one wants to listen to and I still do it I do it because this I started becoming
the voice of people who would be so afraid to talk because for most of my
life my entire life I was afraid to talk I’ve come in numerous magazines
newspaper articles I have done a lot of interviews and the three and a half year
old me would never believe that I am here today would never believe that whoa
what is wrong with this girl but never I never thought I would but I am here this is me today I am 25 i am still
insecure I still have depression and sometimes I
still need to take medications for my insomnia I still do have anxiety but you
know what’s different I am genuinely loving myself I am genuinely accepting
myself for where I am and who I am all those monsters and demons that I thought
were evil I’m going and hugging it and being like you’re gonna be my friends
from now on it’s okay it took me a long while
because I used to think that self love needs to be shoved down your throat and
I used to believe that that is love because that’s what that’s the only
thing I experienced till I realized that I need to be gentle with myself and it
is very very very very hard because most days I’m just stuck I’m wondering what
is happening but then I realized that there is the difference between feeling
good about yourself and self-love I can do a workout and I can really great
about myself but if I go and I have cake or pizza right after that I’m gonna feel
guilty and then I’m going to start the negative thoughts are gonna come into my
head thinking oh you why you’re doing what you’re doing and you’re so useless
again you are so worthless you cannot do anything in life and you try to do
something when you can but those are the moments now I realize that I need to be
more cleaner to myself I need to be more gentle with myself that is self-love
that for me took the longest time to realize that I need to give myself time
to grow because self love and self-acceptance is a process if my brain
for twenty two and a half years has been wired to think that I cannot do
something or to think that I’m useless to think that I’m worthless it’s going
to take time for me to rewire those things to me for me to untwist and do
those things and believe in myself so this is me here right now it took me a
long while but I realized that it from there is nothing that can
grow from a space of hate that the only way I can grow is if grow and love
myself is if I forgive myself so I’m doing that today one breath at a time
and I am not blaming my past I am NOT being a victim to my past because I know
now that you I write my story I can hear be the writer I can either be the
creator I can be the artist I can be the musician whoever I want to be to my
story and I will not blame myself thank you if you feel my story resonated with you
please feel free to write your story whatever you want below and we let’s
have a conversation also subscribe to Josh talks

100 thoughts on “Love Yourself & Accept Yourself: You Can Change Your Life | Natasha Noel | Josh Talks

  • May 30, 2019 at 6:53 am
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    For more such inspiring stories, download the all-new JOSH TALKS APP here:- http://bit.ly/josh-talks-official

    Reply
  • August 1, 2019 at 7:42 am
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    First of all, I have a suggestion: Please avoid these unnecessary claps in the middle of their stories! It’s quite inappropriate sometimes . It’s better to give a massive claps after their stories told.
    Secondly, Natasha, you are amazing !
    You are very intelligent and powerful.
    The only thing I want to say you that those monsters and devils are always monsters and devils! They should to be punished from the law. But the main problem of you is that unfortunately & sadly, you are living in a uncivilised society! That’s why, India is still considered as a third world country!
    Because their mentality is still old and cruel, but your mentality is advanced as a civilised people like Europe , America, Uk …etc .
    If you were living in a civilised country, you would never felt any guilty about yourself.
    You are a VICTIM and you don’t have to feel GUILTY! They are criminals and IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! Your mind is pure and your thoughts too. Unfortunately, you have to fight a lot when you are living in a uncivilised country like India and for that reason, you don’t get lots of support around you.
    You just think that they got an inferior mentality than you !
    So, always keep Up your HEAD girl and go strongly 💪
    One day, after 4-5 generations, India’s people will change too! At least you can fight for coming generations dear. I feel very proud of you! You are an amazing human being and God bless you always . ✌️

    Reply
  • August 1, 2019 at 8:35 am
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    Remember nature gives you the best and what you need ma.

    Please wait for some time and nature do miracles.

    I love you and you are bold.

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  • August 1, 2019 at 2:49 pm
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    We respect women in INDIA!
    Any Women needs love care and concern and and here we don't treat them as objects.

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  • August 1, 2019 at 6:31 pm
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    Thanks a lot

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  • August 1, 2019 at 7:41 pm
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    Omg what a sad journey plzzz God bless her and give her every thing smile joy health that she deserves

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  • August 2, 2019 at 12:18 pm
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    After listening to your story , it has been quite inspiring mam May God and also appreciate the courage to stand up even after such diminshing past .Its we who decides whether to fight or run from it , well u have taught me how to face out those bad days past life and problems .Thank u and hope continuing as an inspirational figure for all those who couldnt raise their voice for themselves .

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  • August 2, 2019 at 3:19 pm
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    Respect 🙃

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  • August 2, 2019 at 3:36 pm
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    Hello mam after cousin never use brother and sister

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  • August 2, 2019 at 9:48 pm
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    God bless you

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  • August 4, 2019 at 4:00 am
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    3:56 Psychiatrist recommended Dancing.
    Dancing is a good therapeutic process as well as way to Celebrate Life. Grow in Life.
    Dance to Joy 🙂

    Reply
  • August 4, 2019 at 1:51 pm
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    All older people forcing 20 something to get married needs to STOP. You shouldn't get married under pressure because it will ruin your life. One needs to be mentally and financially stable to start this journey & they should want it for themselves. Especially bringing a child when you aren't mentally and financially stable is worse. You arw merely going to raise broken individuals, a mistake that previous generations did.

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  • August 4, 2019 at 3:39 pm
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    God bless you Natasha.

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  • August 4, 2019 at 8:02 pm
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    This girl is damn brave.

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  • August 5, 2019 at 8:22 am
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    To start the talk like that it takes some serious bravery

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  • August 5, 2019 at 6:54 pm
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    Sometime publish your video in Hindi I want to about the incident for myself

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  • August 6, 2019 at 12:48 pm
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    Hats off….

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  • August 6, 2019 at 5:13 pm
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    At least in rest of her life my sister should be happy, not of pretending to be happy….I pray for her to all my God's…. at least by restricting my happiness provide my half happiness to her..

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  • August 7, 2019 at 5:50 pm
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    Inspired ♥️ One thing I learnt from this video is that No one can make me happy only I can. Your words are like magic bullets mam. It's really beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story with us. ♥️✌️

    Reply
  • August 7, 2019 at 6:53 pm
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    Proud of you natasha ma'am thankyou for sharing your story you inspired us …..

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  • August 8, 2019 at 10:49 am
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    I understand your hard feelings you had in the past. Past is past. focus on the brighter future. As you can see in comments, I have a small advice, use a pleasing and mature dressing. don't use hot looking dress styles.

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  • August 8, 2019 at 3:37 pm
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    U talks, that inspiring words, gave hope to many hopeless lives… Keep going ☺️

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  • August 9, 2019 at 5:16 am
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    A true warrior

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  • August 9, 2019 at 9:14 am
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    It's awesome

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  • August 9, 2019 at 1:54 pm
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    You are lucky in some ways. There are some of us who never got any help. Suffered all our lives. Got married and still suffered. Ofcourse because we were not VIRGINS.

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  • August 9, 2019 at 2:54 pm
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    My warrior gal😘😘

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  • August 9, 2019 at 2:54 pm
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    Hats off u brave girl…i really inspired by for true story..ur courage gives strengths you…ur are a strong and iron lady…keep it up..god bless you…a lot of love,happiness and blessings to you..🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

    Reply
  • August 10, 2019 at 7:05 pm
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    I just loved this video . Such people are required to be in the world. Salute to you Natasha.

    Reply
  • August 10, 2019 at 10:18 pm
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    If she stop exposing it stops

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  • August 11, 2019 at 3:24 am
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    Natasha is truly a warrior loving hugs and happiness always for you

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  • August 11, 2019 at 8:30 am
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    Thankyou for your ecperienced thoughts…….God bless you……I love you my sister for inspiring me and helping me to take a first step to change my life

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  • August 11, 2019 at 10:20 am
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    You are great..l salute you to overcome your problem.

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  • August 12, 2019 at 8:32 am
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    So inspired….. One thing that learned in this video is do what you feel should be the Prisoner of the past

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  • August 13, 2019 at 8:47 am
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    I went through something very similar as a child…but I'd say you were lucky enough to get therapy by the age of 10 , I was and I am depressed till date but yeah like you I pretend pretty well , I stay alone not doing anything or not feeling like doing anything but I feel wholesome now , I've learned to embrace solitude .

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  • August 13, 2019 at 9:23 am
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    I am aqsa and i want to do conversation with you.

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  • August 14, 2019 at 4:33 am
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    u r life ur decision.. ur the super hero for u… bcs body is nothing until u create ur own identity.. other wise people give name ur body and the same people try to use u as a thing… ur the creator and destroyer of ur own life… sex is nothing.. life is precious. live it and love it…

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  • August 14, 2019 at 12:56 pm
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    God bless you! You are so brave and courageous. Stay blessed!

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  • August 15, 2019 at 9:50 am
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    Can i know where will these meetings be held?

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  • August 16, 2019 at 2:13 am
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    Every second child in india is sexually abused and irony is that don't say anything about it .. Cowards

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  • August 16, 2019 at 9:35 am
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    Salute to u dear

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  • August 17, 2019 at 11:02 pm
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    Who all are subscribing her YouTube channel after watching this video

    Reply
  • August 18, 2019 at 1:52 am
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    You survived beyond the limit great hats off dear

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  • August 18, 2019 at 8:21 am
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    It's very true nobody cares about your mental health and you are the sole resposible for your mental health

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  • August 19, 2019 at 4:41 am
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    Love u natasha❤️

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  • August 19, 2019 at 3:21 pm
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    Resonated ❤️

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  • August 20, 2019 at 6:20 am
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    Hindi bol

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  • August 20, 2019 at 7:23 am
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    Really inspired by u dear…. my best wishes for u … go ahead

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  • August 20, 2019 at 7:23 am
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    Really inspired by u dear…. my best wishes for u … go ahead

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  • August 21, 2019 at 8:12 am
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    Absolutely love the courage, the acceptance, and the determination to elevate yourself from the dark past! Huge Respect ✊ and God Bless you….always!!

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  • August 21, 2019 at 9:21 am
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    Sexual violence….😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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  • August 21, 2019 at 5:17 pm
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    Most moving. Used to get very useful tips on yoga and little did I realize the trauma she'd been through. God bless her always.

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  • August 21, 2019 at 10:10 pm
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    😍😍

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  • August 22, 2019 at 4:09 pm
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    Dear Natasha…I 'll feel proud if I could have a chance to just stand in front of you & say .." You are my daughter " though I am one of this society you have gone through from your 3 & 1/2 years age …

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  • August 22, 2019 at 5:15 pm
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    Natasha – you are a fighter. Just try to get over as much as you can. World has good people and a lot of good men left . your yoga videos are often misunderstood until you share this. Keep up the great work.

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  • August 22, 2019 at 5:50 pm
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    I was also sexually molested by my own grandfather & uncle..burden inside till now..as no one believd me, including my parents..grew up suicidal..now I'm 24..a university topper & a person with values, virtues & principles

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  • August 23, 2019 at 1:24 am
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    Really shed my tears listening to your story I very sympathize with you and thanks for sharing your story with us and you're a very strong girl

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  • August 23, 2019 at 9:31 am
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    Me too going through depression & anxiety. Lots of questions, guilt keeps jumping in my head. If feel so hated and worthless of my self.

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  • August 23, 2019 at 1:20 pm
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    A big salute to this grl.. Army is for security and these type of grls making our india a developed country.. If we have 1 grl like this in evry family than think about the development of india.. Again big salute all womens who confidentally come forward in this male dominant society..

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  • August 23, 2019 at 2:41 pm
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    Thanks, Miss Natasha, you are another inspiration to me.
    Fortunately, I Discover early, I encounter with bipolar. Struggle a decade to overcome with my inner voice ("I'm not like this" ) as motivation and now with utmost stability preparing for UPSC 2020 my 5th and last attempt.
    Thanks to NIMHANS psychologist Seema P Nambiar's counseling and Dr. Nitin, my Life took U-turn from hopeless to HOPEFUL !!!
    I'm optimistic about my achievement in IAS 2020 !!!

    Reply
  • August 23, 2019 at 5:12 pm
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    Dear Love, even when angry feeling of agreeing to spread joy :*;

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  • August 24, 2019 at 5:47 am
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    Hey Natasha..you are doing great..I am with you..

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  • August 24, 2019 at 7:15 am
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    So inspiring

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  • August 24, 2019 at 10:31 am
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    Natasha … Stay happy, stay strong… Stay blessed ..

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  • August 24, 2019 at 10:54 am
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    One day I wish I could tell you all my story.

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  • August 24, 2019 at 5:22 pm
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    you are a true warrior

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  • August 24, 2019 at 6:01 pm
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    I love you yaar ….I was literally touched by your life…! It takes a lot of courage to a girl to talk about such a dark sight of their life…but you made that courage…had up to you…! You deserve love..true frens ,all the happiness…of world…! And you have earned my love and respect towards you…!!

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  • August 25, 2019 at 9:04 pm
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    I salute you for whatever you overcome you are so precious angel you will be always successful in your life

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  • August 26, 2019 at 11:07 am
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    If anyone has read Cereus on webcomics her situation (the main protagonist) is like the past self of this brave girl

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  • August 28, 2019 at 4:24 pm
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    I am crying aafter waiting😭😭 those things are deeply harm a woman.. cos I have faced it..

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  • August 29, 2019 at 7:47 am
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    U r very strong…..even much stronger that any one could believe….hats off to u girl

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  • August 29, 2019 at 2:21 pm
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    She looks smart and georgious

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  • August 29, 2019 at 4:52 pm
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    Natasha, A very Big hug from my side for the Happiness that you chose today..
    Very Happy to See u here🤗
    Good luck.
    The more we love ourselves The more we explore.

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  • August 30, 2019 at 6:08 pm
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    Wonderful dear

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  • August 30, 2019 at 7:20 pm
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    I am also phasing problem in depression and a kind of stuck in my life just because of my love partner she is not giving me the proper time and her behavior like we are not married she said we have maid our relationship forcefully but sis seriously only i know how much i love her but know i am just like an dead body pls help me to move out from this situation all are saying just moov out and find an another girl but its not easy i had spent two and half year with her and she was caring me like my wife i don't no what happened to her but ya someone said that thing the long distance relationships are uncomplet know i am stuck between my life and my dreams

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  • August 31, 2019 at 1:56 pm
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    love you baby

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  • August 31, 2019 at 2:35 pm
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    Hi… Thank you for opening urself and describing the hurts and ur life events

    It's not easy but u did it 🙌🙌😘

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  • August 31, 2019 at 3:29 pm
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    May god bless you

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  • August 31, 2019 at 4:07 pm
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    Depression sucks

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  • August 31, 2019 at 4:53 pm
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    🙏

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  • August 31, 2019 at 5:28 pm
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    Luv ❤😘

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  • August 31, 2019 at 5:58 pm
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    Your words were amazing and I must say they we're inspiring.. I wish I could deliver my story too.. 🌼

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  • August 31, 2019 at 6:26 pm
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    Inspiring….

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  • September 1, 2019 at 1:56 am
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    I really liked ur speech mam.
    Thank you for this which make many people to stand up again and again.

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  • September 1, 2019 at 7:54 pm
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    Brave of you your's past life story was such a heart broken thank you for inspired me

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  • September 2, 2019 at 7:59 am
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    Love u Natasha! U R exactly the age of my youngest daughter. I wish I could have been of any help to you. GOD BLESS YOU MY CHILD.

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  • September 3, 2019 at 1:57 pm
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    Such an inspiring journey 😇😇

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  • September 3, 2019 at 2:40 pm
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    Great Salute to your Fighting Spirit and Maturity comes with Great Experience. You Resembled my Life nearly 60% of wat i went through.

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  • September 3, 2019 at 6:08 pm
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    You are real life hero… You are one of those lakhs girls who is suffering from same issue. Society has to be changed…

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  • September 4, 2019 at 7:14 am
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    Women get sympathy very easily in society. I would like to see if some man went through something similar what reaction people have. For all the troubles you had, you are still lucky.

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  • September 4, 2019 at 1:30 pm
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    We all with you

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  • September 5, 2019 at 5:57 pm
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    Yes the society would never accept a sad person , so we should be pretending to be happy, real woman , lot if love and respect 🥰

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  • September 6, 2019 at 8:03 pm
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    Natasha has come a long way from her dreaded past.
    Never knew that aspects what India is known for – multi-cultural balance, men respecting women – could fall so much apart that women (young girls) are only seen as objects of lust by men.
    It is sad to know that for a few minutes of sexual pleasure, she was robbed of her childhood,
    and her youth spent in trying to find peace for herself.

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  • September 7, 2019 at 4:24 am
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    Lv u medam ur story waw

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  • September 7, 2019 at 4:24 am
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    Inspiring

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  • September 7, 2019 at 12:04 pm
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    So inspired of you

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  • September 7, 2019 at 6:39 pm
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    👏👏

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  • September 8, 2019 at 2:29 am
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    Oh God! What a lady you are
    Salute to you.
    What a courage you have.

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  • September 8, 2019 at 4:05 pm
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    U r d bravest diva I have ever seen God bless u dear u have a bright upcoming future

    Reply
  • September 10, 2019 at 3:57 pm
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    This video is greatly inspiring.i am 21 years old i cant believe in myself.i always think thant i am a failure and blame myself .i had an affair which broke up recently after which my mind is not well .i am still thinking of her abd i always get mood swings.which reduces my concenteration. I always tend tk see the negative side always.i cant find a solution. I was always depressed,but this video has shown me something which i am hoing to try it.Thank you . Congrats for showing the courage in life to stand up howmuch you fail .

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  • September 11, 2019 at 8:39 am
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    This is something i guess somewhere at any point of life , every one will relate , this is tough , depression has many sites, it does have , nd every site is the toughest one , honestly i do have Felt the same nd sometimes now also but what i have learned from you mam ,is That no one will come nd love you the way you want , no one genuinely cares about you nd your mental health , so YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO THE SAME , ND BELIEVE ME NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU EXCEPT YOUR PARENTS !

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