The Story of Western Philosophy


In the beginning was the word, and the word was………….. What? I don’t know.. Bird? Omelette? Vajazzle? Who knows? But there was stuff and some guys in ancient Greece wanted to know why there was stuff so they invented philosophy, which means literally “love of wisdom” or in some translations “I hate this degree, but science had loads of numbers in it.” Now, to begin with there were these guys called the pre-Socratics, and they mostly sat around pondering stuff like “What is the nature of the universe?”, “What regulates physical processes?”, “Which slaves should I pork next?” etc.. and that was fine, but everything really got going when this guy turned up either called Socrates, Sokrates or as we shall henceforth refer to him- Billy Big Bollocks ™ He mostly wandered around Greece asking irritating questions, and Athens got quite pissed about this and sentenced him to not living. He also never wrote anything down – but luckily his student Plato did- and crafted a fairly whack philosophy that still shapes our lives today. So let’s do part of it really quickly- “This is a cat, this is a cat, this is a cat also, they’re all different cats but we still get they’re cats, so there must be a perfect cat living in some perfect room above us that all cats are made from”™. He also had a student called Aristotle- who did nothing that spectacular -just basically shaped, you know “Modern Logic”™ Aristotle also argued that what separates humans from the animal kingdom is our ability to reason and not much else- an idea you will find everywhere in the modern age. “Not bad chaps, and now you’re all dead.” However, the Greeks left a legacy behind that we still feel today, stuff like: hedonism- which back then didn’t mean being a selfish dick, but rather just maximizing your own pleasure and being cheerful. Atomism- which is where we originally got the idea of well I mean, look at those little guys, they’re nice aren’t they. And then Scepticism-
which well~ I’d like to see some bloody proof for that one if I’m honest 😛 Anyway, the Dark Ages came along and fuck all happened in Europe for about a thousand years, well I mean it did obviously, we’re just not going to talk about it. And around the 11th century universities as we know them popped up in Spain, France, and England [Represent]. And for the next few centuries everyone was into this thing called Scholasticism™ – which was basically quite God-y, and was all about trying to marry ancient Greek thought to Christian thought, with um.. shall we say ‘varying results?’ This bloke St. Anselm, came up with the ontological argument for the proof of God, which people still use today, and it goes a little like this- “Imagine a perfect video game, the idea of a perfect video game will be even more perfect if it actually existed which would make it super duper perfect™, therefore a perfect video game must exist- So where the fuck is it Gabe?! About a century later, we get Ockham’s razor- which goes something like “Why is France a thing? Welllll, either malevolent aliens came down in the night yesterday, created France and all of its peoples™, and altered all of world history, in a conspiratorial attempt to subvert the course of pastry forever.. Or possibility two – Maybe it’s just been there for ages? So.. maybe it’s just been there for ages?.. “The simpler explanation is generally the correct one.” The black death, then kindly wiped out about 40% of Europeans and everyone got a bit health-conscious.. Around the 15th, century everyone stopped getting wankered everyday and switched to coffee- which maybe contributed to the Renaissance- which literally means rebirth™, where we got all nostalgic for the Greeks and Romans again. Columbus discovered some shit, da Vinci drew some shit, Shakespeare wrote some shit.. Things were really picking up. During the 18th century the Age of Enlightenment began- A modern philosophy took shape and if you’ve ever heard someone yell at a philosophy major- “Yeah, but if you work in Starbucks do you really exist?”™. Well you can thank a single Frenchman for this, called Renal Dick Art™ or Renè Descartes. And one of his big ideas, was very very briefly- ‘Let’s assume we doubt everything, What can we know for certain? Wellll, does the world exist? -Dunno™. Does my country exist? -Dunno™. Does Gilbert Gottfried exist? -Dunno™. Do I exist? -Dunno™. Am I thinking? -Yes. Does that mean I exist? -Yes! Is the answer Gilbert Gottfried? What? no..™ Does it have a tail? -No, that doesn’t even.. What are you talking about? -ah then even if everything is a dream, and everyone else is fictional, at least I know I’m a thing because I’m thinking- which must mean, I think, therefore I… Wait, is it Emma Stone? NO FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!. (Akinator™) Meanwhile, over in Britain, John Locke and David Hume, are cooking up this thing called Empiricism™- which mostly says, “Look knowledge comes from the outside world, not sitting around smoking a fatty, and having a think, you idiots, there’s also some other stuff going on- Thomas Hobbes who’s also British [Represent™]. Says humans are nasty by Nature, and we need the ‘Social contract.’ Adam Smith, more or less invented modern economics, and in 1724 Immanuel Kant was born-who we shall henceforth refer to as Walter Big Wang™ -And and proceeded to tear philosophy, A new one™ “Don’t be silly” he said, “Rationalism and empiricism could work together. Everyone just shut up, read my books, be cool.” By the way, humans have categories™ in their heads, which define how they perceive the world, and will never be able to experience the really-real-world™, because we’re not God. If you want to be moral, just act in a way that if everyone did it it will be alright, and finally #check yourself before you wreck yourself. #wash your hands after toilet time. #Mic drop. Tchüss!! [Goodbye] This sparked a whole new movement in philosophy- called German idealism. The king of that cartel, a guy called Hegel, and mostly they all wanted to know, “what you can know about objects that we know you can’t know anything about, because.. we can’t know anything… about them…” ™®© Over in America, pragmatism is getting started, which when something like – All right, Europe. Lovely ideas, but do they work in practice? If yes, good✓ If not then maybe just… sssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhshut the fuck up✓ Natural philosophy, which was the study of the natural world, by then is being called science™. Science, also now has the scientific-method™. The basic rules of which are- If you notice weird shit, think about why it happened, test your theory, if your theory works✔, let other people check it, and if it doesn’t, then yeah, well done anyway, Have a.. a biscuit or something ?
Meanwhile German philosopher and all-around nice guy Nietzsche, hated everyone including God, who he killed, and said the civilization was heading towards catastrophe, and there’s no structure to the world except what we give it- which will be important in a moment- P.S. Nothing means anything, and we’re all gonna die 😀 -Morty Sanchez And we’re into the 20th century, by now philosophy has official categories namely: epistemology©- can we know shit? metaphysics©- how does shit ultimately work? ethics©- how do we know good shit from bad shit? Logic©- how do we reason shit? and aesthetics©- why this shit looks so nice. And there are loads of new movements, popping up such as existentialism©- which said look, you’re free in the world and that might suck, but just roll with it mate, you can define yourself™, and people started asking lots of questions- like how does sentience work? And other such things as human rights, and no seriously is it Gilbert Gottfried? And there’s this thing happening called post-modernism, which well it’s hard to…yeah ok, so there was modernism right, look at this- modern isn’t it? There are rules and forms and stuff, but eventually some people got bored of it and said, “Well, there’s no real narrative to anything, and everything is interpretation”- except for that statement for some reason- and stuff like this happened.. And this.. yeah..mm.. Anyway, yeah.. So.. where are we now, Well… recently, philosophy has largely boiled down to moral questions. Is abortion a right? How should you run a society? Can we use science to determine morality? And that’s the state of things today. These days science is hoovering up lots of big questions that started in philosophy, like- What is matter made of? And how do living things work? and stuff.. and even if you think philosophy has no purpose anymore, that’s fine, but it did once. There was a time, when it was the mother of almost all knowledge, and if you should be so brave or silly, as to embark on your own undergraduate adventure in philosophy, and people wish you all the best with a future career in telemarketing, just quietly remember there is yet work to be done. We still don’t know what we’re doing here. Consciousness is still a mystery The origin of matter is still a mystery, SO YOU HEAR THAT, DAD? With reference to all your bullshit.. DAD. Well yeah, I might be nearing 30, and fine, I picked the wrong degree, I get it, And no, I still don’t know what the stock market is, or when the post comes, or how to shave my testicles without inadvertently castrating myself, but by the power of Grayskull, if someone held us up at gunpoint, and shouted “You better extensively explain Aristotle’s position on dogs or you’re both fucking dead!” Let’s just say I’d be walking home a hero that night, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, DAD! Not so fucking funny anymore is it, DAD? Who’s. Laughing. NOW. *Dad.* And then, [coughs] if could maybe just hurry up, and send me that money for rent that’d be great [squeaks] [Music]

100 thoughts on “The Story of Western Philosophy

  • May 26, 2017 at 3:23 pm
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    Skepticism… do you have any sources on that?

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  • June 24, 2019 at 11:17 am
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    R u ok bro?

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  • June 25, 2019 at 1:19 am
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    What's the song at the end please anyone?

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  • June 25, 2019 at 8:49 pm
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    It’s called a cookie! OMG!!!

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  • June 29, 2019 at 6:43 am
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    Thats how you some up philosophy: “there was stuff, and some guys wanted to know why there was stuff”

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  • June 29, 2019 at 10:37 am
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    This is perfect. You are perfect.

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  • June 30, 2019 at 3:36 am
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    Fuck Christopher Columbus

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  • July 1, 2019 at 6:44 am
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    4:29 JOHNLOCK

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  • July 1, 2019 at 2:17 pm
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    Hey man, love your stuff.
    I wanna ask why you keep referencing Bulgaria so much?!

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  • July 1, 2019 at 2:19 pm
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    An other Bulgaria reference 3:47

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  • July 5, 2019 at 6:12 am
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    nonsense video…

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  • July 7, 2019 at 2:05 pm
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    Why do you hide messages in what seems like, all your videos? This one was quite profound at around 8:00

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  • July 7, 2019 at 9:49 pm
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    Here's your answer. Life is a sandbox made by a god, not directly present in this world. Life is an unsolvable puzzle, and only you give meaning to it. Remember Plato's cave?think further, think Platos goddamn computergame.

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  • July 9, 2019 at 12:48 pm
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    Brilliant:)

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  • July 9, 2019 at 7:29 pm
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    Bird is the word.

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  • July 10, 2019 at 4:08 pm
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    Idk if you get money from.me commenting.but imma comment to help.cus i think it helps u.

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  • July 11, 2019 at 10:50 am
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    Tfw when he basically forgot about analytic philosophy, aka actual philosophy.

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  • July 13, 2019 at 2:01 pm
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    "Which slave should I pork next"…… jesus christ… this channel is the shit

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  • July 15, 2019 at 12:43 pm
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    Make a video on classic music mate ! Will ya plz ?

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  • July 16, 2019 at 1:15 am
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    i wish u good luck too mate.

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  • July 16, 2019 at 3:42 pm
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    https://youtu.be/QkP4g9e86qA?t=479

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  • July 16, 2019 at 3:59 pm
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    1:23 the person on the right is the prime minister of norway “erna solberg”. Why does he love norway so much?

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  • July 16, 2019 at 10:48 pm
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    Love you are showing bulgaria because anyone barely knows about it .

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  • July 17, 2019 at 6:24 am
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    My favorite part is when I was offered a cookie for my failure!

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  • July 17, 2019 at 6:26 am
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    Bravo.

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  • July 17, 2019 at 9:17 am
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    Funny. And I don't say that lightly

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  • July 18, 2019 at 12:49 am
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    The bird is the word.

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  • July 18, 2019 at 11:03 am
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    Fucking amazing as always, dad.

    (But seriously loved it)

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  • July 19, 2019 at 12:38 am
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    Best video ever

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  • July 19, 2019 at 10:48 am
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    You are so fucking stupid.

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  • July 19, 2019 at 10:49 am
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    Ignorant

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  • July 19, 2019 at 10:15 pm
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    1:46 LOL me too.

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  • July 20, 2019 at 7:54 am
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    Tschüüüüss

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  • July 20, 2019 at 11:57 am
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    Why did u point Bulgaria as ur country? R u Bulgarian?

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  • July 20, 2019 at 6:30 pm
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    do you know the word? Idk bird. The bird is the word.

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  • July 20, 2019 at 8:07 pm
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    Well we are all gonna die so what really matters after all…?

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  • July 21, 2019 at 9:19 pm
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    Renal DIck Art = Flying snot.

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  • July 22, 2019 at 2:23 am
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    New philosophy video on my channel. Not to this level yet but you gotta start somewhere you know. Please check it out thanks !

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  • July 22, 2019 at 5:56 am
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    I would’ve gotten better grades in my philosophy class if you had been my teacher

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  • July 22, 2019 at 10:02 pm
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    6:24 come watch tv

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  • July 23, 2019 at 5:15 am
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    You should do this vid on the comedy circuit…you know LIVE.

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  • July 23, 2019 at 4:06 pm
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    Kind of dissapointed that you left Diogenes out though…

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  • July 24, 2019 at 3:35 am
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    Socrates wasn't real. He was a character in Plato's writings.

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  • July 24, 2019 at 8:04 am
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    Hope your father sent you some money.

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  • July 24, 2019 at 9:25 am
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    I'm wondering why the picture of France had wallonia in it.

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  • July 24, 2019 at 9:37 am
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    England! Represent

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  • July 24, 2019 at 10:35 am
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    I call your philosophy major and raise you one history major, with a C- average completed over 20 years.

    Peace out!!

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  • July 25, 2019 at 11:05 am
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    Din norske pøls

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  • July 25, 2019 at 2:10 pm
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    EXCELLENT ! HUMOROUSLY but ENLIGHTENING

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  • July 25, 2019 at 5:12 pm
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    "just ssssssshhhhhhhh….ehem, ssssshhhhhhut the f…"

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  • July 25, 2019 at 5:14 pm
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    Somehow I really think my hypothesis is true and you are a liberal or I hope it's true because I think you might be the first one I purely agree with all the way down makes me question if it's a partisan thing or is it just intelligence and sense of humor

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  • July 25, 2019 at 7:50 pm
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    I fuckin love these videos!!! Good shit man👍

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  • July 26, 2019 at 2:51 am
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    Tschüüüs.

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  • July 26, 2019 at 12:42 pm
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    shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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  • July 26, 2019 at 3:07 pm
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    Actually we should had stopped in Descartes.

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  • July 26, 2019 at 3:40 pm
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    Oh so I am supposed to shave those

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  • July 26, 2019 at 6:21 pm
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    God I fucking love this guy 🤣😂

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  • July 26, 2019 at 8:13 pm
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    Western philosophy isn't actually all that intelligent

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  • July 27, 2019 at 12:58 am
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    'DAD' ….

    SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.

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  • July 27, 2019 at 1:17 am
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    But the passionate route is the safe route.
    13th chapter of the laws of human nature baby:
    Unlike animals with their instincts to guide them past dangers we humans have to rely upon our conscious decisions.
    We do the best we can when it comes to our career paths and handling the inevitable setbacks in life, but in the back of our minds we erijgaergha;eoirgje;ogjaegi

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  • July 27, 2019 at 10:45 pm
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    The renaissance was basically when everybody started becoming a nostalgia hype beast.

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  • July 28, 2019 at 5:23 am
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    I lost it at the skepticism joke.

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  • July 29, 2019 at 12:42 am
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    Where we are at right now is post-modernist have run rampant in academia and brainwashed a bunch of kids turning them into entitled spoiled brats who scream and curse anyone who disagrees with them. Oh and they call everyone nazis

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  • July 29, 2019 at 4:37 am
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    2:59 That is a correct translation, but it loses some meaning. It's more accurate to say "The theory with the fewest assumptions is more likely to be correct, but not guaranteed to be. So, maybe, like, proceed under the assumption that the theory that makes the fewest assumptions is correct, but try to disprove it every chance you get until all assumptions have been eliminated."

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  • July 29, 2019 at 1:20 pm
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    Abrahamic religions and Post Modernism are 2 of the worst collective mind viruses

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  • July 29, 2019 at 2:12 pm
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    I really dont understand how the ontological argument is a thing. The perfect video game doesnt necessarily exist, therefore the logic is not sound or whatever right? Assigning the idea of the word "perfect" to anything of which there is no certifiable evidence doesnt provide any evidence, someone PLEASE explain what is strong about the ontological argument. I could describe a "perfect" human but I dont think that talking about what makes a human perfect provides any indication that it is there. It feels more like semantics more than anything, and I dont think there is any real logic to it because it requires you to trust a premise that cant be proven.

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  • July 29, 2019 at 2:37 pm
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    me summarising the 3 chapters i read the night before the fucking exam

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  • July 30, 2019 at 12:13 am
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    Angry Philosophy. I like it.

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  • July 30, 2019 at 12:27 am
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    This video is genuinely inspirational. Good job Turtle Man!

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  • July 30, 2019 at 12:31 am
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    With science, you do NOT test your THEORY. You test your HYPOTHESIS, write it down, get published, get peer-reviewed, andothers test it. Only then can you have a THEORY, which is the highest designation that an idea can achieve in science.

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  • July 30, 2019 at 12:06 pm
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    Ærna Solberg

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  • July 30, 2019 at 5:25 pm
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    The thumbnail looks like mossbag

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  • July 30, 2019 at 5:59 pm
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    Where is my boi Karl marx

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  • July 31, 2019 at 4:59 am
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    DUDE YOU ARE FUCKING ONE FUNNY FUCK

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  • July 31, 2019 at 6:28 am
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    Ok that last part hit too close to home

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  • July 31, 2019 at 8:20 am
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    dumb dad and his stocks

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  • July 31, 2019 at 3:35 pm
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    Well I'm a Solipsist so I just imaged you said all that.

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  • July 31, 2019 at 11:49 pm
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    Oh my god you should be writing feature films. Charlie Kaufman is just a bean next to you.

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  • August 2, 2019 at 12:39 am
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    5:30 Over in America. REPRESENT!

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  • August 2, 2019 at 2:24 am
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    …god and the word was god

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  • August 2, 2019 at 7:22 am
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    7:59 wtf is this secret msg

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  • August 2, 2019 at 7:22 am
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    7:59 wtf is this secret msg

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  • August 2, 2019 at 3:43 pm
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    this angered his father who punished him severely

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  • August 2, 2019 at 9:29 pm
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    So what I'm gathering is, pick a better degree, but educate yourself on philosophy through other mediums that won't destroy your career, since philosophy is the basis of all knowledge?

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  • August 2, 2019 at 10:51 pm
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    If Nicholas Cage gained 50 kilos, he’d resemble Hume.

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  • August 4, 2019 at 5:42 pm
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    “This is why everyone hates moral philosophy professors”

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  • August 4, 2019 at 10:04 pm
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    No Ludwig Wittgenstein?

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  • August 4, 2019 at 11:05 pm
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    My fiancee is starting a philosophy major in fall and she hates her life

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  • August 7, 2019 at 4:15 am
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    like a good introvert I am a Cynic

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  • August 7, 2019 at 10:32 am
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    Daddy issues huh?

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  • August 7, 2019 at 9:35 pm
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    What is your thoughts about determinisim, everyone?

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  • August 7, 2019 at 10:16 pm
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    This is what happens when the smart kid finds his dad's stash

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  • August 8, 2019 at 5:14 pm
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    Sorry about your dad

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  • August 10, 2019 at 4:18 am
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    Postmodernism is just shitposting

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  • August 10, 2019 at 10:13 am
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    WHAT! no mention of the two greatest philosophers of all time, Epicurus and Elvis?
    Anyway,  René Descartes finishes a drink in a Paris bar and he says to the barman, Goodnight Jacques, I'm going home.
    Jacques says to René, how about one for the road? René replies, No, I think not, and then René disappeared without trace.

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  • August 11, 2019 at 3:23 am
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    7:20 When you forget how to build a nether portal

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  • August 11, 2019 at 6:30 am
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    What did Aristotle think about dogs?

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  • August 12, 2019 at 3:30 pm
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    You’re brilliant

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  • August 13, 2019 at 2:02 am
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    dad must be proud

    Reply

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